so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
