Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
