She is in my trunk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
