haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
