It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
false alarm, still single
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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