if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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