i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
