my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
