Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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