I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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