third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
