I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize