just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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