this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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