My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
