Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
