Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
These tits shall not be calmed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
