there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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