I am spending my child support on dildos
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
