Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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