He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
