Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
