Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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