No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
