I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
