Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
