I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
