When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
