i already hear my dad disowning me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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