I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
