he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
