Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
