I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize