that's an acceptable place to lick
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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