need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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