mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
