PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
