is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
