Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

(612): View more from Minnesota

May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

Fav 10 942 2223
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(619): View more from California

Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

(323): View more from California

How mad was your dog?

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(681): View more from West Virginia

I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion

(743): View more from

It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you

Fav 3 1400 658
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(616): View more from Michigan

You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar

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