i think my tv is drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
