I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
