Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
