So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
