i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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