i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
