True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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