So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
