tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
