The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
