Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
