All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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