enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
