I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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