The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
