there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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