He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just forgot I was standing up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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