I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
