well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
