I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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