he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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