just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
