drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
