I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
