so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
