The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
