Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
