so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
