I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
