and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
