Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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