So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
