she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
